______________________________________________________________________________ // // The \\kyway \\ // skyway@novia.net Issue #46 December 21st, 1996 (first day of winter) ______________________________________________________________________________ (c) 1996 Bastards of Young (BOY/BetaOmegaYamma) Productions list manager: Matthew Tomich (matt@novia.net) technical consultant and thanks to: Bob Fulkerson of Novia Networking ______________________________________________________________________________ SKYWAY SUBSCRIPTION/LISTSERVER INFORMATION Send all listserver commands in the body of a letter to "majordomo@novia.net" To subscribe to the //Skyway\\: subscribe skyway To unsubscribe from the //Skyway\\: unsubscribe skyway THE //SKYWAY\\ WEB PAGE Check here for back issues, lyrics, discography, and other files. http://www.novia.net/~matt/sky/skyway.html ______________________________________________________________________________ Send submissions to: skyway@novia.net ______________________________________________________________________________ 0. Takin' A Ride! (Matt Tomich) +. New Faces (Virginia Nichols, Jan Bailey, Jack Weaver Jr., Tim Wilson, Ryan Mann) +++. Perfect (Tharju, Adam Gimble) +++++. Senor Dunlap (Laura White) +++++++. Recordables (James Baumann, Bruce Hartley, Will Bueche, PBrain) +++++++++. Creative Writing Seminar (Bob) ||| ______________________________________________________________________________ 0. TAKIN' A RIDE! Hey, happy holidays! I got the flu...so this is gonna be short! - Hey, hope everybody's tapes are starting to arrive for the Sekrit Skywayer tape trade! Some people have already written in and said that they've received their Christmas tape (and couldn't wait until the 25th to listen to it.) If for some reason yours doesn't arrive a couple days after Christmas, drop me a line and I'll try to find out what the deal is. - There's a new version of the 'Mats FAQ up on the web site, thanks to the one and only Annette Fine. Told yah it was gonna be short! (Nothing like a triple-digit fever for making reality just a little more interesting!) Mr. Sick, Matt! P.S. Just remembered this nostalgically today: on my birthday in 1991, some friends threw a big bang surprise party for me. To my surprise, that night, they had a limo pick me and some friends up at my house. After figuring out what the heck was going on, we piled in the limo and took off to wherever my friends had chosen to hold the festivities (hilariously, in jest, at the local greasy slider-hamburger joint, "Bronco's".) But the moment I got into the limo, I reached in my coat pocket to make sure that I had my house keys, and found my believed lost cassette copy of "Sorry Ma". My eyes got real big for a second and then I asked the driver, "Hey guy, do you have a tape deck?" It was freezing, we had the sunroof open, all the windows down, and played "Takin' a Ride" about 15 times. Anybody else have any other "Cranked the 'Mats" stories? ______________________________________________________________________________ I. NEW FACES From: Lffgravy@aol.com Date: Tue, 10 Dec 1996 13:49:07 -0500 Subject: here comes a regular Hi everybody--I just found the Westerberg home page and the Skyway and I must say I'm excited. I tuned into the Replacements when Pleased to Meet Me came out and they became my favorite band. They unfortunately did not frequent the Denver area, but PW has blessed us with several appearances, most recently in August in a show put on by the A3 Summit, an industry mag for alternative music. He was crammed in with Patti Rothberg, Keb' Mo' and Patti Smith. Smith was last, PW third. I overheard the show manager in the lobby tell someone that the first 3 acts would have to cram their sets because Smith insisted on going on by 11; seems she had to get up early the next morning with her kids, for god's sake. The audience was full of these radio types who seemingly weren't familiar with his music but had free tickets and drinks. PW opened by announcing, "I'm so sick of all of you people coming up and talking to me. I don't have a f---ing thing to say to any of you." After 40 minutes of material (mostly solo releases and some pleasantly surprising Mats stuff like Kiss Me On the ___ Bus), show personnel began gesturing to him to get off. PW politely said, "What the f--k are you doing over there," tore into the intro to "Alex Chilton" and abruptly abandoned the stage. A fine show which left us all agape, a show stupidly abbreviated by its sponsor. Anyway, I don't know that I'm a typical Replacements fan. It seems like a lot of the letters I've read are from people in their 20's. I'm 39, which musically speaking is an interesting place to be. I was born the year after the baby boom (57) so I've kind of been on a cultural bridge. My record collection began at the age of 6 with Beatles, Stones, Animals, Kinks, etc., thanks to my indulgent parents. When the Boxtops were recording, I remember going to the five & dime store and buying "Cry Like A Baby" for 69 cents. My friends and I had heard how singer Alex Chilton had gotten that amazing rough voice by singing all night and smoking too many cigarettes. How could this be the same guy who sang "Sweet Cream Ladies" & "Neon Rainbow?" Fast forward 20 years and I hear "Alex Chilton." I says to myself, I must know everything about this amazing band and why they're singing about this guy. I love swimming in the sea of pop culture and seeing these bits of nostalgia drift by years later. I don't need to tell any of you how PW puts so much of himself in his songs, but I'm continually surprised. Like on "Angels Walk" -- "giant steps, take two..." Did anybody else out there play giant steps when they were little? Other music that I currently listen to includes Eric Johnson, Jimmy Thackery, Beat Farmers (may Country Dick find a good bar in the afterlife), and yes, REM (I'm old, dammit! I've been following them forever and I'm a loyal type). I've stayed loyal to the Beatles over the decades but soured on the above referenced Stones after Mick Taylor left the band. Music's a passion, and my collection covers mostly American & British blues & rock going back to the early 60's. Virginia Nichols lffgravy@aol.com Denver, Colorado Date: 20 Dec 1996 18:52:31 -0000 From: "Jan Bailey" I've never subscribed to anything on-line before and I'm not quite sure why I'm doing this now, other than I have an urge to. I'm not usually a joiner, but my admiration for Paul Westerberg is such that I'll overcome my reticence. I'm a Mats fan from way back. I did a short stint as a DJ for my college radio station back before the word "alternative" was used to describe the playlist. "Let It Be" was released. I heard "I Will Dare" and it knocked me out of my beatle boots. One of the best damn songs ever written. I had to find out everything. The Mats came to Eugene. They played at the Student Union and I forced a couple of friends to go with me. Of course they sucked. My friends were appalled. I was elated. I didn't care that they were so fucked up they couldn't tell where the audience was. The energy and attitude was evident anyway, and I'd already fallen in love with Westerberg's lyrical abilities, whether he could actually sing them or not. From then on I bought every album as they were released. Strangely though, I missed the release of "14 Songs." I'd finished school, was working full-time and I hadn't been keeping up on music. I went through a phase of being sick to death of the media, despite having a degree in journalism; or maybe because of it. I hated the fact that I knew things about Madonna. I hated the fact that I knew such a person existed. I opted for oblivion. And as a digression, I haven't felt up to speed musically since Trouser Press went bankrupt. I really miss that rag. Anyway, last year I was visiting a friend in Portland and she had "14 Songs." I heard "World Class Fad" and if I'd been wearing beatle boots... So, to bring you nearly up to date, I found out Paul was going to be playing in my current hometown, San Francisco, in support of "Eventually." KFOG, a local rock station, had been playing "Love Untold" in light (unfortunately very light) rotation. I snagged tickets and had to force a couple friends (yet again) to go with me. The crowd at the Fillmore was much better than I'd hoped. I'm used to being the only one in my circle of friends and acquaintances to know who Paul is. A terrific show. He was doing one of his gorgeous ballads when my friend, D., got agitated. He's a hardcore punk fan who doesn't appreciate anything slower than the speed of light. He started yelling "pick it up, come on" so I glared at him. I told him to shut up and listen to the words, but he wanted it fast and loud. Just then Paul tore into "Customer" and D.'s reaction was priceless. He grabbed his chest and looked just like he'd had an electroshock treatment. Then his face became diffused with pure joy. It was exhilarating to say the least. The show was everything I'd hoped for. I had just broken up with a long-time boyfriend and that night at the Fillmore was exactly what I needed. There was a great sense of community. It was quite simply a good time. I've been listening to "Eventually" non-stop for days now; and I've been reading reviews of it. I keep coming across the same thing: He no longer has that Mats edge. He's somehow less of an artist because of it, yadda, yadda, yadda. I completely disagree. I like to thrash as much as anyone, and as far as I'm concerned, Paul's still got it. But his talent encompasses much more and that's why he interests me. I'm intrigued by his musical direction and coming to terms with growing older, perhaps because I'm nearly his age. By the way, if you find yourself in San Francisco, wander into Vesuvio's on Columbus Ave. A couple of the bartenders are Mats fans and the CD jukebox is fully stocked with their output. I can be found there regularly on Friday nights swaying to the rhythm of "Achin To Be". So, drop me a line; I am no longer opting for oblivion. Jan, hane@hotmail.com Date: Mon, 16 Dec 1996 15:31:38 -0500 From: "Jack B. Leaver, Jr." A little history: In the mid-'80s I was in a ragged pop/rock/country band that played a lot in the Michigan area. The name of the band was The Skyscrapers and we played fairly regularly in the Detroit/Ann Arbor area. In fact, I got to know Soul Asylum, Green on Red and many others during that period. Anyways, my band had been partying a little with Bob Stinson after soundcheck and he split, I believe in search of more party material, although that's never been confirmed. Anyway, we played first, another A2 band played and then the 'Mats were supposed to go on. It was the "Tim" tour and the first one where they were doing theaters. I was just hanging out backstage getting drunk waiting for them to go on, when Tommy Stinson came up to us and asked if we'd seen Bob. An hour passed and the crowd was getting agitated, so I guess somebody told Paul that they'd seen us cover a Replacements tune before...so he walks up to me and asks if I would play with them. That was the trip -- I said 'sure,' although I didn't think he was serious, and I kept on drinking and talking. Then all of a sudden, they were on stage, Paul was waving me on, my drummer was pushing me out, and their roadie was strapping Bob's Gibson Flying V on my back. Strange! Paul and I had a brief conference center stage and before I knew it we were doing "Color Me Impressed." It was sloppy and cool and the experience was like being on a rollercoaster -- it went by extremely fast. Paul told the crowd they were auditioning for a "replacement." Some booed, some cheered, but it was great fun and I was very comfortable playing with them. They were one of the greatest sloppy Stonesish rock and roll bands of the day. We played "Johnny B. Goode," and T Rex's "Baby Strange," before a stagehand took my place and did a couple of more songs as Paul continued the "auditions." It ended up being heavy drama and a precursor of what was to come. All of a sudden Bob came bounding down the theater aisle, jumping on stage like it was the funniest joke he had ever played. Paul was far from amused and threw beer in Bob's face. Paul told the crowd, 'Don't cheer for him, he's a fuck-up!' During the course of what followed they played with an intensity that may have never been repeated with that line-up. Bob tried to make up, but Paul wasn't buying and at one point, Bob, disgusted threw his guitar into the orchestra pit, breaking the neck. At the end of the show, Paul announced the band was breaking up, they exited the stage, closed the door to their dressing room and we could hear bottles breaking. Needless to say, that was the beginning of the end for the original band... I've talked to Paul a few times after that, and he's always been nice. I have a "Pleased To Meet Me" poster they signed for me a couple of years later. I have a friend that works for Reprise and he had them do it as a surprise for me. Paul wrote 'Jack, You stunk, Paul.' Classic! Anyway, I have a great Replacement's story to pass around. I still play music, although it's much more of a hobby now. I'm an entertainment writer, working with three of the daily papers in the West Michigan area. I cover a lot of the country and roots music that comes around, and I'm also working with a company out of Big Rapids, MI called the All Music Guide that publishes record review guides. I also own a small music wholesaling business. I would love to try and reach a photographer who was at that show and might have a shot with me in it -- just for posterity. Also, my nephew is 16 and a huge Replacements fan, as well as Wilco (I think that's cool, how many 16-year-olds do you know that bought "Being There."). He wants a bootleg Replacements video for Christmas, so he can see what the band was like live. Jack Tim Wilson Mason MI (actual physical letter sent in) I first heard of the Skyway last year from a classmate at Michigan State, who, get this, recognized me from a Bash n' Pop show in Detroit three years ago! Needless to say, we spent much of class time talking about the Mats. I spent many frustrating hours at the newsstands trying to locate articles regarding Paul, Tommy, etc... and of course I rarely find anything. I guess the rest of the world just doesn't get it. Oh well, their loss. My first encounter with the band was in 1985 but it didn't mean much. I was in ninth grade and a friend of mine talked me into buying a TIM shirt at the record store. I didn't even know who the hell the band was. At that time of course not too many people did, but especially a high school kid from a school where glam metal was all the rage. Anyway I bought the shirt but never heard the band. Also, I believe the main reason I didn't hear the Mats was because at the time, Michigan State did not have a student station and we all remember the crap that was popular back then. A few years later I remember hearing "I'll Be You" on the radio and really liking the song. Lo and behold it was the Replacements. The song died pretty quickly but I remember thinking how cool it was. But I still didn't get it. The next year I saw the world premier of the video for WHEN IT BEGAN on MTV. A few months later I saw All Shook Down in a used record store and decided to pick it up since it was cheap. I still really had no idea who the 'Mats were. After picking up All Shook Down, that was it. I started listening to it over and over. Not long after I had picked up all the old stuff. This for some reason had been the band I was looking for. After hearing all the older material I was just blown away. I felt like an ass. These guys had been around for like 10 years and I haven't really known about it? So one day I'm looking through the paper for upcoming concerts hoping I find out something about a Mats show. I'm looking through it and I find out they had been in Detroit the night before. At the time I figured "Well that sucks, but I'll catch them on the next leg of the tour." Of course that never happened and I never got to see the Mats live, something that will probably drive me nuts until the day I die. At least I've seen Paul three times now and met him twice. Paul has been really nice both times I've met him. In '93 I talked to him outside his bus after the Detroit show. Got our pictures taken and everything. When Paul got off the bus to talk to us I just couldn't believe it. He came out, shook my hand, and then we talked for a couple of minutes. I was so dumbfounded I still can't remember what I said to him. On the ride home I was thinking, "Well, I met Paul so who else is there to meet?" I still think that. Who else would come close? I met him again in July and he was very friendly. Only this time I had to wait in line and felt like I better just say "hi" and move along so he could get going. But it's pretty damn cool of him to sit on the stairs of the bus and talk to everyone who waited in line. How many people would do that? I really think he respects and appreciated his fans for the most part. Anyway, I'm addicted to the music and it's rare to get to speak (or write) to someone who feels the same way. I can't think of anyone I know who is a Mats fan aside from people who say "Yeah I've heard one of their songs, it wasn't too bad." Now all these dipshits think my favorite band is either the Refreshments or the Rembrants. "Oh yeah, they sing the Friends song, don't they?" I guess it's funny how people don't understand why I like the Mats so much. It's hard to explain to an outsider. Anyone who loves the band knows what I mean. It's just a total package that has never been equaled by anyone else. I'd list the reasons they were the best band ever but you already know. I kind of wonder who would top my list if they had never existed. I really don't know. I don't want to make this too long and bore you but I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm 25, finally graduated from MSU last year with a journalism degree and then ended up starting a business with another person that is not really related to journalism. I've got a small printing and graphic design business which I'm working my ass off at. Starting a business is quite an endeavor so I had to move back in with the folks in order to make ends meet until I'm somewhat established. Oh yeah, I'm also a pretty big hockey fanatic. Fave album - I think it's Tim but it's a tough choice. Some fave songs off the top of my head: Mascara, Regular, Dare, Nevermind, Hardly Wait, I'll Be You, Nobody, Waitress. This is retarded, I could go on all night. - Tim. From wofat@juno.com Sat Dec 21 08:50:58 1996 Date: Fri, 20 Dec 1996 22:22:48 EST From: Ryan M Mann To: matt@oasis.novia.net Subject: Life story Quick down and dirty, I am 27 and from Minneapolis/Des Moines, Iowa. Used to check out the Mats with my fake id at the 7th St. Entrance to the 1st Ave. club. Went to the University of Iowa till 1992 and then tended bar around the club scene in Chicago and the Twin Cities. Now I just finished 3 long yrs in the United States Navy and a 6 month trip to the Persian Gulf and Red Sea. Now I am actively on the job safari, hope to bag the big game like NBC or ABC doing just about anything. I am married to a beautiful gal who tolerates the Replacements, but does dig Paul's solo efforts. Best Mats' memories, 1) Grant Park in Chicago, farewell 4th of July 1992, and 2) (and my favorite) tormenting my ex-girlfriend's sister with repeated playing of "Waitress in the Sky" as I drove her to and from her job with United Airlines in Chicago. Talk about the un-friendly skies. ALOHA, R.M.M. ______________________________________________________________________________ II. PERFECT! From: tharju@aol.com Newsgroups: alt.music.replacements Date: 11 Dec 1996 08:29:07 GMT In the October 25th GOLDMINE, Tommy is interviewed about Perfect, and then the interviewer asks some cool Replacements questions. Tommy said that they don't need to come out with a boxed set because there is no need to mess with the 'Mats reputation or memory. He states that everything is fine the way it is. The interviewer stated that they have a trunk load of unreleased material, which I would love to own. Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 17:59:20 -0800 (PST) From: dumyhead@millennianet.com (Adam Gimbel) I thought I'd already shared this with you guys, even though it happened last fall. I went to see Perfect's second gig ever with a guy who used to work at 1st Ave. The show was at the Dragonfly in Hollywood, CA and Brent, the Minneapolis guy in question, knew Peter Jespersen (Twin/Tone founder, ex-'Mats mgr) who also came, with his wife. I called the day of the show, to see what time Perfect was going on and they mentioned that the Rugburns, one of my faves from my hometown of San Diego, were also playing. Bonus! We got to the place and after awhile, Peter showed up and he was very nice. After awhile, we went over and talked to Tommy, who was also super nice. Peter mentioned that he'd heard that Rod Stewart was seriously considering recording an album of Westerberg songs. Can you imagine!? Trying to get a little cred, like Tom Jones, I said. Tommy's eyes widened, "I just saw him!" I was jealous, but, not too jealous, because, my dream is to see Mr. Jones in Vegas. Anywhere else wouldn't be just right. I don't remember too much else about the conversation except for Tommy talking about taking the bus around LA. Tommy Stinson! Then, Peter's wife said she'd seen him waiting at a stop and almost picked him up! Could you imagine, seeing Tommy at a bus stop ("kiss me...."), pulling over, saying, "Wanna lift?" and taking him to practice with guitar in tow?!?!?!?!? Too much. So, Perfect came on and rocked the house. It seemed weird to see Tommy fronting a band of guys who looked like NY studio musicians (I don't know if that's bad or not). They rocked anyways. Every song was, for lack of a better description, fast and hard. For their second gig, the band was super tight and I was WAY impressed w/Tommy's guitar playing. Their version of "Crocodile Rock" was too much. The Rugburns followed and were about as low as a band can be. Usually amazingly entertaining, the band had received quite a blow, when their guitarist was hospitalized with a bleeding ulcer. Plus, they'd been scheduled to go on at 10, before Perfect and were now going on at 1 am and had to catch a plane to Chicago the next morning at 6 am. They played as a trio and Steve Poltz, the lead singer was drunk and went on a huge tirade in between sometimes abbreviated versions of their songs. He railed on the club, the equipment, their own soundman, and Tommy whose mgmt, William Morris, had used their muscle to get Perfect on before. It was pretty funny and probably like the 'Mats gigs that I've heard so much about on this list. Well, I'd seen the 'burns do a beautiful version of "Skyway" in the past, so, every time there was a lull in his rant, I'd yell for it. He'd play a little bit and then go into the next deal. Too funny. A quick word on an unrelated subject, I'd recommended the CA band, Tucker a few months ago and a few people bought tapes. I'd love to know what you guys thought. Saying they were the second coming of the 'Mats is a huge statement, but, I still stand by it. e-mail filterrcrd@aol.com for details. Adam The Artist Formerly Known As Dumyhead step 1 step 2 (currently doin' the Electric Boogaloo) ______ ______ |. .| |. .| Visit: _ | < | | > | _ "Adam & Summer Are Dumyheads" / \ |____| |____| / http://millennianet.com/dumyhead/ \/ \___|\ |___/ home of: | \ /| "Joining A Fanpage:Jellyfish Tales" | \ / | "Jason Falkner Lives" | / | "Picture Yourself In A Vote On The Beatles" / \ / \ / \ / \ _/ \_ _/ \_ ______________________________________________________________________________ III. SLIM! Date: Tue, 26 Nov 1996 17:16:08 +0100 From: loraaw@gwis.com (lora) Subject: Slim in Columbus 11/24 Just thought I'd tell everyone how great Slim was in Columbus, Ohio Nov. 24, and along the way share how I made an ass out of myself. Slim rocked!!!! I hadn't really known what to expect as I like the CD, but saw a few too many Paul and Perfect shows this summer to get really psyched for Slim -- but this was as much fun as any of those shows. He played a bunch of songs (I'd tell you which ones, but, uh, I had too good of a time to know for sure). They played my request ("Just Found Out My Pa Was a Roadie For Kiss," which Annette Fine who'd seen him out east a few nights before tipped me off to ask for). I was the one who shot up on stage when he asked for a volunteer to play his guitar, but instead I decided I wanted to play bass. They didn't let me, so I played Slim's guitar QUITE badly. I was put to shame by some guy who knew how to drum, and the next girl who also didn't know how to play guitar but had imbibed fewer drinks than myself. I talked to him after the show about something, not sure what, but I remember that he was very personable. I don't know if there will be more Slim shows as this was the last date on the last schedule I saw, but if there are GO. -Laura White ______________________________________________________________________________ IV. BUY SELL TRADE RENT Date: Wed, 04 Dec 1996 15:59:11 -0500 From: James Baumann I was gazing at the lengthy list of recorded shows and it got me to wondering how would one go about getting a copy of one of them? Is there a giant warehouse stacked with cassettes somewhere? Are they scattered about among Skyway members? In a nutshell, where dey at!?! The one in particular I'm looking for would be: 11/13/87 - Kent State U., Kent, OH - 70 min. Any help anybody can pass on would be much appreciated. Again, keep on fighting the good fight. James From: Bmhart@aol.com Date: Sun, 8 Dec 1996 14:21:13 -0500 HELP! I'm looking for the lyrics to Bash & Pop's song "Tiny Pieces." I got this address of the Replacements lyric site and thought you all might be able to help. Thanks... Bruce Hartley "Bmhart@aol.com" From: NPVP03E@prodigy.com (MR JAMES MCCARTHY) Date: Sat, 14 Dec 1996 20:53:16, -0500 Subject: TABs If anyone out there has ever written out the tablature of entire 'Mats songs in full [aside from just the chords], any of them, I'd love to get photocopies. I am just beginning to play, and it would be great to have idiot-proof transcriptions. Thanks. Sincerely, Will Bueche From: pbrain@webworldinc.com Date: Thu, 19 Dec 1996 18:05:08 -0700 Subject: Anyone traded w/ Jason Randolph of Ft. Worth, TX? Howdee. Uh, I set up a trade w/ said Mr. Randolph in October. You know the story--I sent my stuff, he has yet to send his. And yes, he has problems responding to e-mails. If anyone out there knows him better & could pass this message along, I'd appreciate it. And if something unfortunate has happened to Mr. Randolph, like he has been struck by a bus or is dead, I send my condolences. And if he is sick/injured/dead, could a family member or friend please send me my tapes, por favor. Gracias, P. ______________________________________________________________________________ V. CREATIVE WRITING KORNER (See if you can catch all the allusions.) From: Brueso@aol.com Date: Wed, 27 Nov 1996 13:00:17 -0500 Subject: How the Mats Changed History Liverpool 1960. In the grimy city streets, a club called the Cavern has been slowly drawing young Liverpudlians for its lunchtime concerts. After a customer in the record department of the furniture store owned by his parents orders a copy of the single "My Bonnie" by Tony Sheridan backed by the Beat Brothers (known locally as the Beatles), young Brian Epstein decides to visit the Cavern to see what all the excitement is about. Upon entering the dimly lit hall, Epstein is immediately drawn to the pounding drums and churning guitars of the band playing onstage. Peering anxiously over the heads of the undulating crowd, Epstein sees two members of the band with tousled hair that makes them look like they've been electrocuted- one of them looks barely 14. The lead guitar player weaves around the stage haphazardly- clearly three sheets to the wind- clad only in a red union suit. Just barely Epstein can make out the chorus of their song "We're takin a ride! We're takin a ride!" After a few songs, the lead singer spins around and pulls the bass drum out and throws it into the audience, the bass player pulls apart the cymbals and, laughing wickedly, throws them also into the nearly riotous crowd. The lead guitar player by now is seemingly comatose, sprawled on the floor. Epstein realizes that these "Beatles" have the potential to redefine pop music as it is known and shake it out of its lethargy. After the band stumbles backstage, Epstein makes his way backstage and, between their constant retching and vomiting into nearly already overflowing aluminum buckets, Epstein manages to reach an agreement with the band, although he is able to glean from them that they are actually four Americans from the province of Minnesota on holiday, and they call themselves "the Replacements". As the conversation continues, Epstein is able to hear the actual Beatles onstage and the opening strains of "Love Me Do"; however, noticing half of the crowd has left by now and finding the Beatles lackluster after the Replacements, Epstein leaves the Cavern, confident he has the better band now under his belt. London 1963. Epstein continues to struggle to get "his" mats what he feels is their due. While they continue to play to wild crowds of nearly 100, Epstein begins to notice, to his horror, that it is the SAME nearly 100 fans following the band from venue to venue. Unable to get the mats a recording contract with a major label, Epstein begins his own "Why Not" label and releases a series of long-playing albums and extended play singles by the mats, but he is stymied by the fact that each release only sells nearly 100 copies. Meanwhile, Epstein notices that the Beatles, the band he almost signed, have gone onto rising mainstream success- appealing to the youth of England with their good looks, but also to the parents of the youth of England, with their matching suits and well-scrubbed faces. Epstein is barely able to get mats guitarist Bob Stinson to show up for photo sessions fully clothed, and he finds the bathing habits of the band in general to be woefully inadequate. Although privately the members of the Beatles and the mats are close, the alcohol-soaked and sarcasm-laden all-night binges of their respective leaders John Lennon and Paul Westerberg having already achieved local legendary status, publicly the bands are fiercely competitive as they wrestle to dominate the airwaves of the BBC. One evening, at an exclusive gentleman's club known to be frequented by London's homosexual elite, Epstein manages to convince one Geoffrey Spencer, organizer of the annual Royal Command Charity Performances before the Queen, to put the mats on the bill of that year's concert programme at the London Palladium after the Beatles. Epstein realizes that the Command Performance, which is also being televised, will afford the mats the opportunity to be seen by a greater audience than any of their previous appearances. The day of the concert, in an effort to keep the mats sober for their important evening performance, Epstein kept the mats under lock and key in his London flat, allowing them only tea and biscuits for sustenance. Unfortunately for Epstein, having guessed Epstein's intentions to "tame" them for their performance, the mats had filled their pockets with handfuls of a variety of both legal and illegal pharmaceutical substances secured from their friends the Beatles prior to their imprisonment. By the time Epstein arrived at this flat to take the mats to the Palladium for their performance, they were nearly bouncing off the walls and babbling like fiends; Bob Stinson was clothed like some crazed Roman god in one of Epstein's silk sheets wrapped as a tunic; the rest of the band were in full drag, having pilfered through Epstein's closets and discovered his transvestite wardrobe. Realizing there was no time to convince the mats to change their clothing (particularly considering they were running around the apartment in circles), Epstein frantically called his ally Spencer to try to get the mats OFF the bill, but Spencer informed him that as there had been extensive (and expensive) advertisements done promoting the entire bill of the Performance, if the mats didn't show, not only would Epstein be sued, but he would also be barred from the gentlemen's clubs to which he had grown comfortably accustomed. Horrified at the prospect of having to return to hustling rough trade at the workingmen's public restrooms he had been forced to frequent in his youth, Epstein bundled the mats into a taxicab for the performance, except for Bob Stinson, who stated (to the extent Epstein was able to understand him) something to the effect that "it did not fit Caesar" to travel in anything but a chariot, and if none was found, he would walk to the Palladium and take the opportunity to greet his "loyal subjects" along the way. With the tunic-clad Stinson stumbling alongside them, proudly waving to confused passersby while they rode in their taxi through the darkening London streets at a painful 2 miles per hours (so as not to lose Stinson), Epstein and the rest of the mats made off for the Palladium, Epstein weeping quietly. Two hours later, nearly the time they were due to be onstage, the mats arrived at the Palladium. The bobbies assigned to guard the backstage entrance nearly didn't allow Epstein and his by now deranged looking crew through, but luckily Geoffrey Spencer had sent an assistant to be on the lookout for Epstein and whoever he had with him. The mats stumbled into the spacious Palladium backstage and, to Epstein's horror, descended upon the beer and liquor selection that had been provided for the performers. In the flurry that followed, Bob Stinson picked up the leafy centerpiece from the sandwich tray and plopped it on his head, completing his Caesar-like appearance. Onstage, the mats could hear the Beatles charming the Queen and her entourage, and John Lennon uttered his now famous comment to the audience that "For the next number, those of you in the cheap seats can clap along. The rest of you can just rattle your jewelry". Those words broke through the haze in which Westerberg had drifted and he realised in a flash what had happened; his best mate had STOLEN his line! Westerberg had first said the line to Lennon during one of their rambling all night "sessions" when Lennon had asked Westerberg what he would have to say to the Queen at the Performance; at the time Lennon said "I'm going to remember that, Paulie" and scribbled the line on a cocktail napkin; now, Westerberg realized, he had done it with the intention of stealing the line for his own use, realizing that since the Beatles were scheduled to perform before the mats in the programme, Lennon knew he would be able to use it first. The fab four made their last orchestrated bow and raced backstage, flushed with the big reaction they had received. Seeing the mats (three in drag, Bob Stinson in his kingly garments) sprawled all over the backstage sofas, Lennon grinned and said, "Well, lads- nice of you to show up". Lennon barely got the words out of his mouth before Westerberg clocked him one with a champagne bottle, knocking him to the floor. Westerberg leapt on top of him, choking Lennon as the rest of the Beatles tried to pull him off. Tommy Stinson grabbed a champagne bottle from one of the shocked attendants and shook it up, spraying everyone in the area with the foamy elixir, Chris Mars picked up handfuls of watercress sandwiches and threw them wildly, in the process hitting the Beatles, Epstein, the mats and a Ventriloquist (and his dummy!) waiting to go onstage. Somehow, in the midst of the turmoil, the backstage security forces broke through and dragged the Beatles away, their neat suits now caked with champagne and watercress, Lennon's nose bleeding. The mats were rolling on the floor laughing hysterically while Epstein collapsed (conveniently, into the arms of an attractive young male backstage attendant) sobbing hysterically. The stage manager burst in backstage and, surveying the damage inflicted by the mats, seemed almost incapable of speech. Gathering himself, he said "You're on after the juggler! Get onstage!" Behind the curtain, the mats could hear the master of ceremonies introducing them. "Your Majesty, Ladies and Gentleman, for your entertainment, direct from the United States of America, the Replacements!" The curtain pulled away and, the trickle of knee jerk applause quickly died away, drowned out by the sounds of the gasping audience that actually took a look at the mats. There they stood; Bob Stinson grinning in his Caesar garb, Paul Chris and Tommy in Epstein's best frocks, caked with grime, looking like something the cat had dragged in, chewed on, spit out and then spewed on. Paul strode up to the microphone in the deafening silence. "Cliff Richard and the Shadows are playing in Manchester tonight, but we're better, so Fuck em!" The Palladium audience was aghast, the television crew horrified that Paul had uttered the "F" word (and it wasn't "fudge"). Then in the silence, a shrill giggle trickled down from up in the balcony. All eyes turned to the balcony, and there was the Queen, trying to look dignified but at the beginning of a giggling fit. Taking the Queen's response as a cue that they could continue, Chris counted off and the band launched into "Talent Show", a song Westerberg had written in honor of their Palladium appearance (when the band had run through it at a rehearsal of the programme a couple of days earlier, the director had informed Epstein that if Westerberg uttered the line about "feeling good from the pills we took", he would have Epstein fined). The sound exploded into the cavernous Palladium- the audience, previously lulled by the Beatles, rocked back in their seats in horror, several matrons burst into tears, their husbands alternately clutching their chests in terror or their ears in pain. Meanwhile, in pubs and homes throughout England, all of England watched the mats- some in shocked disbelief, some (particularly the young) in amazement. In a pub in Richmond, Michael Jagger and his bandmate Keith Richards watched the TV intently over the noise from the celebration of a victorious rugby team. Lately they'd been trying to imitate the Beatles "clean" look- seeing Tommy and Paul on screen, their hair standing up as though pasted, Keith started absentmindedly plunking his fingers into his pint and pulling his hair into a rooster-like fashion in imitation of the mats'. They could barely make out any of the words to Talent Show over the din in the pub, except when Paul, with Tommy joining him, loudly screamed "FEELING GOOD FROM THE PILLS WE TOOK!" while at the same time he rolled his eyes drolly. Jagger and Richards couldn't believe their gall! This was rock'n roll! This was anarchy! Suddenly the "safe" image the Beatles were projecting which they themselves had been begun to follow seemed like a cop-out. The band thundered "Talent Show" to a close, and then, not waiting for what they (correctly) assumed would be a negative response, jumped into "Color Me Impressed", one of the songs off the "Hootenanny" album Epstein had released in the hopes of cashing in on the folk craze hitting the States (ironically, by that time the folk craze was to soon end, as Westerberg had recently encouraged his fellow Minnesotan Bob Dylan to start playing electric instead by taunting him "Come on Zimmy, plug in and stop being such a pussy"). At the side of the stage, stood the Beatles, bedraggled, Lennon aching for a rematch-and yet entranced by the sight of the mats, stumbling around in their high heels, nylons dangling around their skinny legs, Tommy and Paul jumping in the air OUT of their high heels as the song hit its "Can! You! Stand! Me! On My Feet!" climax, and then falling to the stage, repeating the line lying prone. By now, the horrified Palladium patrons had begun booing and throwing things at the band- their programs, items from purses and whatever else was handy. At the end of their song, in a knock at the Beatles politely orchestrated bowing, the mats all turned AWAY from the audience and mooned them in unison. Now, the retired admirals and gentry in the audience were incensed, they ran towards the stage, faces seemingly ready to explode in rage, wanting to rip the mats to pieces. Bobbies ran from backstage to the front to keep back the angry crowd, forming a human wall at the stage edge. Center stage, Westerberg leaned into the microphone. "This is off our next album "Let It Be". And then, overriding the constant booing of the crowd, the band slid into "Unsatisfied". Westerberg sang, occasionally dodging the hailstorm of random missiles thrown by the crowd. As the song went on, his singing became more fervent "I'm SO! I'M SO! UNSATISFIED!" and the guitars built, alternately jangly than thrashing, building to a feverish peak. Then, all of a sudden, the music subsided, and Westerberg seemed to almost collapse into himself, he could be seen mouthing "I'm so.... I'm so...." but he could no longer be heard over the crowd, and the music stopped. All of a sudden, Bob Stinson kicked into the opening of their friend Chuck Berry's "Around and Around". The quick tempo kicked up the audience's fervor, a respectable looking military man climbed through the guards and was crawling towards the mats, but was smacked in the face by Tommy with his bass and he fell back into the crowd. Paul changed the lyrics to the song to suit themselves "Bout twelve o'CLOCK! My eyes were JACKED! Just one hit MORE! And I laid to rest! But when the Po-lice KNOCKED! Them doors flew BACK! WE KEPT ON ROCKIN! GOIN ROUND AND ROUND!" The band pounded their instruments, strangling notes out of them, whirling and jumping, Bob Stinson slipped on the now trashed stage and fell into part of the drum set, then all of the band started pulling the drumset apart, throwing it into the audience, then Paul and Bob began smashing their guitars on the stage, while Tommy pulled out a bottle of lighter fluid and poured the mixture on his guitar and set it on fire, then cackling madly, he ran off the stage and dove into the crowd. More bobbies poured into the hall trying to calm the riotous crowd, and, seemingly feeling all was forgiven due to the mats amazing performance, the Beatles rushed onstage to help defend their friends, pulling away an angry businessman who was kicking a now prone Chris Mars. Westerberg grabbed the microphone and screamed "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! SHE AIN'T NO HUMAN BEING!" Somehow, this comment seemed to incense the crowd even more-they howled like banshees for the mats' blood. Westerberg continued, "THIS IS OUR LAST PERFORMANCE! (the crowd cheered) DID YOU EVER FEEL YOU'VE BEEN CHEATED?!!" and then Westerberg pulled the microphone from its stand and swung it in the air like a lariat to fend off the angry crowd that had now made their way onstage, they lunged for him, but he jumped off the stage to join the pandemonium down front. The television broadcast finished off with the sight of Bob Stinson unwrapping his tunic, parading before the cameras clad only in a pair of woman's red panties, and then jumping into the crowd. The Aftermath Immediately after their Palladium performance, Brian Epstein fired the mats and, in the emergency room of the hospital where they were being treated for injuries sustained at the Royal Command Performance, managed to convince the Beatles to let him manage them. As soon as he returned to the Why Not offices, Epstein gathered the master tapes of the material he had already recorded of the mats, as well as the material that would have been put on the "Let It Be" album, and threw the tapes into the Thames. Later that night, the Why Not offices were burned to the ground by a mob angered by Westerberg's insult to the Queen. The next morning the mats were promptly deported back to their native land, never to return. Epstein was later fined five hundred pounds for Westerberg's on camera profanity. Epstein never re-released the mats albums, and the copies that had been bought by their hardcore fans were cherished and passed down generation to generation. The mats never performed again. Westerberg changed his name and became a high school English teacher in Maryland, reappearing only to produce an album for a fledgling rock group called Big Star (their leader Alex Chilton had managed to track Westerberg down, later writing a song "Paul Westerberg" as an ode to his mentor, although it remains unreleased as of the time of this writing). The Stinsons returned to Minneapolis and began a stump removal and towing service out of their mother's garage, which lead to their eventual opening of a full service automotive center, leading eventually to a prosperous chain of such automotive centers. Several years later, Bob Stinson was elected Mayor of Minneapolis and he served in that capacity for some fifteen years. Chris Mars became a recluse and dedicated himself to his paintings. His series of portraits of sad clowns and teary big-eyed children brought him great fame and wealth. The effect of the mats Royal Command Performance broadcast reverberated for years. Firstly, on the basis of the mats raunchy performance of his "Around & Around", Chuck Berry's career picked up from its slump. He often substituted Westerberg's improvised "naughty" lyrics to "Around and Around" whenever he performed it. Mick Jagger and Keith Richards began taking the Rolling Stones into a "harder" rock sound. The Stones paid small homages to the mats on at least three occasions; when the Stones played the Ed Sullivan show in America, under pressure from the Sullivan staff and the network, Jagger was forced to substitute the line "Let's spend some time together" for "Let's spend the night together"; but in a small homage to Westerberg, recreating Westerberg's performance of "Talent Show", Jagger rolled his eyes each time. Later, in the video for their song "Have You Seen Your Mother, Baby, Standing in the Shadows", the Stones paid a small tribute to the mats by performing in drag. The Stones went so far as to title an album "Let it Bleed" as a minor tribute to "Let It Be", the mats album that never was. The Beatles began a new direction for their music. Impressed by Westerberg's "Unsatisfied", Lennon stopped writing simplistic lyrics like "I Want to Hold Your Hand" and began writing more introspective songs, beginning first with "You've Got to Hide Your Love Away". In later albums, the Beatles did direct takes from the mats; first Lennon copped the opening of "Mr. Whirly" from the last mats album, the aforementioned "Hootenanny", for his "Strawberry Fields Forever", and McCartney later took a great portion of "Whirly" for his "Oh Darling" on the Beatles Abbey Road album. McCartney even wrote a song called "Let it Be", which was, as Westerberg said during the Royal Command performance, to be the next mats album before Epstein pulled the plug on their careers. Despondent over the fact that Westerberg was driven out of the music business and by the possible role he may have played in it, Lennon remembered his old friend when he droned "I buried Paul" at the end of his "I Am The Walrus". Countless other musicians made their own tributes to the mats; the mod group the High Numbers, later known as the Who, began smashing their instruments at the end of their gigs, and their lead singer Roger Daltry began swinging his microphone as Westerberg had done during the mats Royal performance. At the dawning of the psychedelic music movement at the Monterey Pop Festival in 1967, at the climax of his performance, Jimi Hendrix set his own guitar on fire in a small salute to Tommy Stinson and the mats. The effects of the mats Royal performance were seen even some fifteen years later, when the Sex Pistols recorded a "God Save the Queen" that used Westerberg's final utterance from the broadcast as its chorus (Sex Pistol John Ritchie aka Sid Vicious even clubbed an audience member with his bass during the Pistol's brief US Tour in 1976. In an interview after the gig, Vicious said "I seen Tommy Stinson do that on telly when I was 7".) In their final concert at the Winterland arena in 1978, John Lydon, crouched onstage and surveying the damage around him, blurted out Westerberg's line about "Did you ever feel you've been cheated?" Finally, the effect of the mats even carried over into the world of comedy, when the English comic troupe Monty Python's Flying Circus did a skit showing members of their troupe in drag "reenacting famous battles", which consisted of the actors throwing mud at each other until, by the end, as Eric Idle stated to a friend "We wanted to look at least half as bad as the mats did during the Royal Performance". The Replacements were a textbook example of how the candle that burns twice as bright burns half as long. But in the short time that they were together, and particularly during one legendary performance of less than twenty minutes, the Replacements changed the direction of popular music forever. fin. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The //Skyway\\: The Replacements Mailing List (digest only) To subscribe, send a letter saying "subscribe skyway" to "majordomo@novia.net" http://www.novia.net/~matt/sky/skyway.html -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Have yourself a merry merry Christmas Have yourself a good time But remember the kids who got nothin' While you're drinkin' down your wine..." - The Kinks, 'Father Christmas'